16 Reasons Why
by CastielsKiss
Summary: Possible trigger warning, Frank gets a box in the mail and opens it to find 16 different 'singles' CDs, each with different numbers going from 1 - 16. Frank spends the weekend listening to each tape and the directions on each one, reliving some of the moments they had together.
1. Prologue

I watched while his casket was sitting on a high stand, body looking the most calm it had ever looked. It seemed like he showered the most calm it had ever looked. It seemed like he showered right before he did it, probably wanting to look his best for everyone who was coming, although I can't imagine why. He hated everyone, we used to stay up late and talk about how much we hated everyone we knew, you'd think I was over exaggerating when I say we hated almost everyone we learned the name of. But we were seventeen, how can you not hate everyone you meet?

I got to stay at his casket as long as I pleased, even though I really didn't want to stay at all. The way Gerard looked at me while he swung a little back and forth from an exposed ceiling beam has scarred me. I didn't notice the first time but now that I could see his face clearly I noticed there was something off about his looks.

His mouth wasn't the right shape, I'd kissed them enough to have them memorized, and his hair was coming in blonde. You couldn't notice it unless you looked closely, and I know for a fact that Gerard has never had blonde hair in his entire life. Mikey dyed his blonde and Gerard constantly made fun of him for it. I guess everyone figured it had something to do with what the doctors did to clean the bodies up before their funerals or something, I didn't fucking know.

When I found him, I wasn't able to look away. I couldn't pull him down or hug him or kiss him goodbye. I just froze and didn't move. Somehow I managed to call the police and have them pick him up, even then I couldn't leave his room. I watched as they took him away and all I could do was curl up under his sheets and take in his smell.

I remember that night better then any night, they took him away and I quietly told them I'd stay there. I watched them leave from Gerard's second floor bedroom window before pulling his favorite hoodie up over my head and climbing into his bed. It all seemed stupidly unreal to me, I was sick to my stomach. So sick that, while I was lying in his bed and tears fell down his face, I thought I heard him crying from just inside of the closet door which is where he hid whenever his mother did something to unset him. It caused more tears to fall down as more of our memories together swam around in my mind.

I haven't been able to detached myself from most of his clothing, wanting to constantly smell him. I hated it when the smell would ware off, at least his mom didn't care about me taking his things and sleeping in his room so I did it often, and every time I'd end up hearing Gerard's voice mumbling something to me.

The last time I spent the night there I heard him singing while I slept, obviously I couldn't let him go otherwise he wouldn't be taking over my thoughts.

Part of me doesn't want to let him go, the other part wants me to die so I can be with him but I know he wouldn't have wanted that.

The funeral ended soon with the lowering of his body, I went home before they brought him to the cemetery, well I went to his house and took a long nap in his bed. His mother was so used to me coming downstairs in the morning that she sets the table for three still.

I walked home in one of Gerard's oldest hoodies, it was quite loose on me which kept me warm. I constantly put the sleeves up to my mouth and inhaling him deeply, the sleeves having been longer then my hands and covering them completely. The sweater got tight at the bottom which kept it held up around my waist, bunching up a bit because it was, like I said, quite big on me.

I kept my eyes to the ground, letting the October breeze engulf me in its sweetness. The smell of after rain stuck in my nose when I removed my hands from my face. I ran my fingers through my hair a little, feeling a stress headache begin to grow as I got closer and closer to my own house. My mother wasn't in the picture anymore which was why I'm an only child, my father worked all day and almost all night trying to keep food on our table. We barely talked anymore so he doesn't bother asking where I'm going or when I'll be home, he knows I'm smart and he knows I'll return home at some point.

His car wasn't in the driveway, which meant he was still at work, but there was a small box that looked like it was thrown against the front door to my home. I was a little irritated by the careless way delivery men treated things but I shrugged it away, getting distracted by my name in bold letters near the top corner.

The box was sealed with tape and I couldn't help my curiosity as I picked it up and shook it a little to try and find out what was inside. A tight rattle filled my ears as I pushed the door open, stalking my way into the kitchen and taking out the first knife I saw, I think it was a pear knife. I wasn't an expert on cutting knives but Gerard's mom would teach me cooking skills whenever I came over, always being interested in what she was doing.

I stabbed the tape and ran the knife smoothly across the top, ripping it open dying to see what was inside. I didn't even notice until there was no return address until I unraveled sixteen mini CD's each with their own case, each marked with a number; from one to sixteen. I set the CD's back into the box and brought the box up to my bedroom, searching desperately for my 'baby' CD player so I wouldn't have to sit at home and listen to whatever they had on them.

I have to admit, it scared me a bit, but I was also excited. I didn't even know who it was from so I couldn't even guess what was on them. It was probably just some stupid prank Brendon or Mikey was doing to me, they always liked to get on my nerves when I least expected it.

I finally found it and shoved the headphone jack into it, pulling them over my head and clicking the CD in. I sat down onto my bed, back against the wall with my knees pulled up to my chest, box laying next to my legs. I pressed play and put the CD player down next to me almost losing it in the sheets because of how small it was.

I wrapped my arms around my legs and put my chin in between the space on my knees. The CD was silent for a long moment, I strained to listen to silence, turning it up slowly.

Without warning, Gerard's voice filled my head and water began to build in my eyes.


	2. Lindsey Ballato

_'Hello there everyone!'_

My heart stopped and jumped into my throat at the same time, closing it up quicker then you'd expect. I stopped breathing and choked on a sob, he sounded so happy and I couldn't remember the last time he was genuinely happy.

_'Um... I guess if you're listening to this then you must have been mentioned somewhere in my recorded suicide.'_

He sniffled, but not in a sad way.

_'This is almost like a personalized note for the people in my life who've left their marks. Obviously I'm trying to expose them for doing something in my life.'_

I let myself fall down onto my side, pulling the blanket up and closing my eyes, curling my hands over my face while inhaling deeply. I wanted him back, right now.

_'The rules are, you listen through every tape and you'll understand why I chose to do what I did, then you'll pass it onto the next person and then the next until the last person hears it. If you don't do this, then, well, I curse you to have to live with my ghost haunting you for the rest of your life.'_

He laughed and it almost felt like we were laying together like we used to. The smile in his voice made my lips crack up for a second before tears started running silently down my face.

_'I'm just going to move on and begin with person number one.'_

He paused and I took a deep breath in, was it me?

_'Lindsey Ballato, or Lyn - Z'_

He emphasized himself. You could hear his tone of voice change, he hated her and I knew that I just never knew why. He always told me he'd tell me someday, I just didn't expect it to be like this.

_'I know you all know her, how could you not? It's like forgetting who I am, but that wont happen. Especially since you forced me to send you those photos of my cock only to tell everyone that I tried to rape you.'_

I chewed on my lip and sniffed up the tears, not letting more fall.

_'Lets just start the story with the morning of, shall we? I woke up to my phones jingle filling the air at eight in the morning. But who the fuck calls someone at eight in the FUCKING MORNING DURING SUMMER?!'_

I jumped a little at the sudden loudness of his voice.

_'Not someone who I'd expect to receive a phone call from. How weren't you wasted or hung over? Your habits got you a reputation that everyone seemed to think was so kick ass when, in reality, it was fucking disgusting, how don't you have any STDs?'_

I relaxed and grimaced a little, he'd know she was tested and they found out she was filled with them. But he was gone now, how could he know that?

_'You called, and I picked up. You were giggling or something on the other line and I remember the conversation perfectly, not because I liked you, I fucking hated you!'_

He laughed.

_'I remembered it perfectly because you wouldn't be caught dead talking to me.'_ Long pause, deep breath in._ 'You said you liked me for a while now, and I didn't even smile. I was laying on my back in bed pushing on my eyes trying to rub tired off of them. I didn't want to deal with you, I never wanted to. I ignored you while you spoke, not saying anything because I knew it was all bull shit. But you perked my interests when you said you'd pay me if I sent you a nude. You swore on your moms life that you wouldn't show it to anyone, and then not even three days later people are texting me constantly about it. You laughed in my face and called your mom a bitch before strutting away in those stupid knock off combat boots that you thought were so bad ass. You looked like shit.'_

I imagined what he must've looked like, sitting in front of his almost two thousand dollar mic I helped him get for his birthday because he loved singing. I remember sitting in his basement with him, just listening to him while he say to me songs that weren't even actual songs. He wrote the lyrics and I usually wrote the guitar notes acoustically. We would've been the best band out there if we'd done anything besides sing and play for each other.

I also remembered Lindsey going through her 'punk kid' phase, everything was black and/or studded. To be quite honest, most of it was hideous and would've probably looked a lot better on me, although she did look like a man sometimes.

_'Then, as rumors began to spread people started making up stuff. And you fucking went with it. I remember being called down to the principals because of you, telling everyone who asked that I raped you and I was constantly sending you my nudes, even though it was once and I was being stupid. He looked at me with that stupid porn-stache covered face and told me how I could go to jail for what I did. I had no way to prove that I didn't do anything because I didn't record that fucking phone call. Thankfully my mom came down to save my ass.'_

I remembered when he got very detached that year, I just didn't realize he was going through all of this. He never told me this, what else was he keeping from me?

_'If I had recorded that fucking phone call, it'd probably be your ass in jail.'_

No Gerard, it would still be yours.

'_I probably would've have gotten into a good college if I stayed that long.'_ He giggled as if he beat her but he didn't, he didn't do anything right and I hated him so much for it.

_'Although, I guess karma bit you in the ass when your mom found out you were pregnant with some jocks kid and you had to get an abortion.'_ I remember that, she showed off her scars as if it was the best thing ever. _'She didn't do much except slap you and not allow you out of the house anymore. I remember when you came to school crying and I stopped you in the hall. You freaked out at me, screaming about it being my fault that you were a 'sex-addict' which is far from true. Do you remember what I did? I laughed in your sad little face and I didn't feel bad, I still don't to be honest. I probably wont ever feel bad because you had it coming for you.'_

He giggled again, he must be having a kick watching all these people listen to his recordings, I just hoped he wasn't sad while watching me and instead happy that I was finding out what was going on in his life when I wasn't around.

_'You really let yourself go after that, didn't you? You did get some chub and you lost a lot of friends. Maybe you'll think twice before thinking just because you think your popular doesn't mean you get away with everything. You will never be popular, so just stop.'_

I bit back more tears, remember him telling me to just not try to be popular because it was a waste of time, and I listened to him. I stayed behind in the shadows with him, falling deeper and deeper in love with someone I couldn't have.

He was gone and I still couldn't get that through my head, it hurt so much more then I wanted it to.

_'Well, you all know Lindsey's mark, I'm just trying to make this shit go by fast because dwelling on the moments wont help me at all. Maybe they'll get longer as I go on, depending on the story and on how much it fucked me up. Push that next little disk in and lets talk about who's next.'_


End file.
